There are lots of things that also come in fives and yet people do not seem to be freaking out and saying ridiculous things about fingers, Olympic rings, vowels, or the Jacksons.
Yet, people don't walk around, furrowed brow, looking like they just ate a solid cube of mayonaise when talking about any of these things that come in fives. And it's not just here in China, we got this in America too." I cannot believe you have 5 kids." Or "Are you like the Duggars?" Yes, we are just like the Duggars, minus 15 children and a uterus that is going to need to be stapled. I have a ton of respect for that family, but my goodness, we are no where near that volume of children.
For some reason big families trip people out. And I honestly don't understand people's consternation with others who decide to have big families. I am not asking them to come over in pity and do my laundry. I know how we got to this point and as a matter of fact, it took a ton of intentionality for #5 to enter our family through adoption. Adoptions don't just happen by accident.
I know so many large families that love the Lord and are obedient citizens. They aren't contributing to global warming any more than someone's soccer-mom-Hummer. And most of them aren't draining the welfare system in a Grape Nut like fashion.
It wasn't that long ago that families were large because of the world running mostly through agriculture. Children are a blessing. The day they become a burden is the same day that big families become obnoxious I guess. I don't understand that, but I think that is what's going on. As we were winding down our dance party tonight, I remember thinking, "I love the chaos that comes with big families. I love the laughter, the love, the stories, the bathroom jokes."
I wouldn't trade this for the world.
I would love to hear how other bigger families respond when people say totally awkward things to them. I'm sure they are much more loving than the ones I've come up with. If you see a large family, don't tell them they have their hands full. They know that. Trust me. And please don't mention all the con's you can think of when having a big family. Because there are also a lot of pro's and we have other things to do besides correcting people's opinions of big families. Like laundry. Lots and lots of laundry.
If you haven't seen this, take a look. There is nothing hypothetical about this scenario. People actually say these things.
Oh my goodness, that video is hysterical! I get the blank stares at some functions when I answer the questions about how many children I have - and then they find out that we homeschool. The person usually has to go find a drink quickly. And for heaven's sake, I only have 6 children! My favorite thing to respond to: when I'm told with a weary-sounding doom and gloom voice, "God bless you," I love being able to say, sincerely, "He has!" Other questions and answers:
ReplyDelete"You must have a really big house." Answer: by American standards, no. By world standards, it is huge.
"How do you make different meals for all those kids to keep them happy?" Answer: They get two choices - eat what's for dinner, or eat tomorrow.
"What about college, how will you pay for it for all those kids?" Answer: we don't feel a college education is anyone's birthright, and we feel strongly that we're told to look after the widow and orphan. Our kids know they'll need to study and work hard if they want to go to college, and we'll help them as they do. Ps - there's nothing wrong with starting at a community college.
I agree. I think the standards set in America are so skewed that people don't know what to think of a large family. Just because we aren't doing what is mainstream, freaks people out. And as far as your dinner rules...we would be good friends I do believe :).
DeleteAll of our 5 kids are bio ones and they look A LOT alike. But still people will say to me, on almost a daily basis, "Are ALL of those your kids?!?" When I am feeling Christian I smile sweetly and say "Yes and I am so blessed!" When I'm feeling snarky I say "No, I just picked up a few off the street on the way here."
ReplyDeleteI would love for God to use our family for adoption and I can only imagine the comments we would get if our family grew again.
Thanks for being so real!
Annette, I love both of your responses! I cracked up and just might have to borrow the one about picking them up off the street :). We get asked if we are an international school all the time here, so that would be a helpful response.
DeleteOh my, that video is tragically comical!
ReplyDeleteI know! I cracked up and also said "Ohh no!" several times.
DeleteOkay, I only have one kid and that video cracked me up. I'm sure I've said those stupid things to people with big families, unfortunately. Not because I'm judging--I actually want a big family!--but just because its so rare these days and I really wonder how it works and what it's like. I learning to be more tactful as I get older :) I hope no one has really ever told you you're killing the polar bears, lol.
ReplyDeleteI know, that video was so spot on. I'm sure I said things before we had a big family that were totally out of line too. Funny how the Lord likes to keep us humble :).
DeleteWow. Maybe it's a good thing people with those attitudes only have one or two kids to inflict their opinions on. Even with iPhones, it's still a fallen world.
ReplyDeleteVery true my friend. People with fewer kids have more brain cells to dedicate to thinking how other people are offending them.
DeleteI've gotten permission from close friends who are purposefully childless to tell people that I am using their non-existant children's share of the natural resources. Seriously, to have 3 children in Silicon Valley, I've heard about misuse of the world's resources, carbon footprint, gotten briefed about birth control...bleh! I'm sure it'll get better if we decide to homeschool. ; )
ReplyDeleteAnd we might not be done!
Lisa-Hilarious! I'm sure you guys have caused smoke to come barreling out of more than one person in Silicon Valley. I can only imagine. And homeschooling?! They are going to want to check you into a facility! :)
Deleteha ha ha! So funny.
ReplyDeleteWe have 10 - and we seriously think "really people! It's only ten! It isn't THAT many!" In fact, most of the time we and our children would love to have some new little siblings!
Jen-Awesome! I love that you have ten!! I also love that your kids feel no sense of neglect or insecurities or guilt over killing polar bears because of their family size. In fact, they want more! I love it.
DeleteI am STILL giggling! OH my goodness! We have gotten some of those comments and we have 4 children and our 6 (almost 7) year old waiting in China will make 5 children. My favorite is the "Are you trying to be like the Duggars or something?" Really. I think some people suck at math worse than I do. In what world is 5 anywhere close to 19? I think some people need to relearn the art of rounding up. Five does NOT round up to 19. It really cracks me up AND annoys me. I have been known to throw in a snarky response to a rude and intrusive person. My favorite is when I get asked regarding my Chinese children, "So is his dad Chinese or something?" and my snarky reply. "Well, I think so. I mean, I'm pretty sure he was." and walk away. They think I am such a hussy. Oh well!! I also love the "How do you do it all- homeschool and feed them 3 times a day and keep up with the house and have kids underfoot all the time. You must not have ANY time to yourself?!?" my answer? "Oh, I actually enjoy spending time with my children! Don't you?" and you know what's sad? Most of them? They don't enjoy their children. I think a lot of people have children b/c it's the expected thing to do but they don't really enjoy them. They put them in daycare and preschools and schools and put them in so many activities that their face to face time is so limited that mom and dad begin to feel out of touch with their children. What to do with them if they are not being constantly entertained? (I have been that mom so I feel I can say this!) And the lie so many of us buy into that we have to give our children everything they want...and that they should have their own rooms and toys galore and boutique clothing. Makes me so very sad and depressed actually. Our kids are less happy than rural children in Uganda playing with sticks and half naked, but who know how to be content with what they have while our children demand more and more and more...spend countless hours in front of video games and television and are restless and unsatisfied. Can you tell I've wrestled with this myself? The more we've grown our family, the more blessings we have received. When God said that children are a blessing from the Lord, a REWARD from Him...He wasn't kidding. :) So why oh why do people think they need half a million dollar mortgages and $45k car loans but loathe the idea of multiple children is beyond me. the deceiver has been succesfully working on the American mindset. I need to work on my attitude and my replies. I can't say I exude Jesus most of the time when people are rude to me about my family size. For out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks. Much heart work to be done here!
ReplyDeleteHolly, well said! Parents actually parent out of their own guilt and reputation more than being intentional. It's frustrating. Actually, the simpler things get, usually the happier kids become.
DeleteThe POLAR BEARS! LOL. Loved the video!
ReplyDeleteAnd I know three kids is pretty average, but living in China certainly makes me feel like I'm the Octomom.
Hear.You.On.That.
DeleteChildren are the only blessings Christians don't want very many of.
ReplyDeleteEven the ability to have children is a gift from God. Consider how we cut, drug, and take other drastic measures to avoid the "gift".
Paula-Totally agree! It makes very little sense to me that we humans work so hard to prevent new life from entering this world. Our eyes are on ourselves too often, I think.
Delete